Probably no one reading this can ever remember being told by a school teacher that you were over-qualified, over-experienced or too senior. Even in our senior year we were not too senior. Granted none of us were over 50 either. So what exactly is going on these days? Why is being over 50 the modern equivalent of having the black plague in the work world? Hey, weren’t we the same generation that couldn’t find jobs when we got out of school because we were under-qualified, too young or too inexperienced? There was a lack of jobs then, and there’s a lack of jobs now. Weren’t we the ones Jim Morrison sang about with his line, “gonna win, yeah we’re takin’ over.”? Yes, I’m aware that Morrison never had to stand in an unemployment line.
The broadcast media has tried to give timely tips for viewers on how to cope with the downturn. Just the other night WZBZ in Alakazam, Iowa, had this special segment:
Dave the Anchorman: Here now is Susie Cute. Susie, we hear it’s really bad out there for unemployed baby boomers approaching retirement. What’s going on?
Susie Cute: Well Dave, the experts agree that you older workers need to like convince employers you are still like, you know, vital, energetic and all that junk, you know?
Dave the Anchorman: (laughs) I’m not over 50 Susie, I’m just 49. So how can they help themselves in these troubling times?
(The camera cuts to shots of well-dressed business people standing in lines holding resumes, then back to Susie)
Susie Cute: That’s like weird Dave because Joanne told me you were like way over 50 and to watch out for…
Dave the Anchorman: So how about that update report Susie? Our viewers want to know how they can find jobs in these troubling times.
Susie Cute: Twitter and Facebook Dave. Experts also agree that developing a good network is like really important. Make sure you have like a good phone and stuff so you can Twitter updates to your Facebook page and employers will like see you and hire you and stuff. A friend of mine got the best job because someone followed her Twitter and offered her like a job in the you know, personal entertainment field. She makes like really good money now. Oh, and like local bars have like network nights and stuff? So check them out too. I was at Freddy the Freeloader’s Bar last night and there were like tons of people there doing networking and stuff, so come on you baby boombers, like join us and get like a job.
Dave the Anchorman: Thank-you Susie, for that, um, enlightening report. Just to clarify for our viewers, she was referring to baby boomers, not boombers (chuckle). The Labor Department reported today that unemployment shot up another 653% last month….
The last we knew, unemployment in Alakazam was still running at 92%. We called Best Buy there and they told us sales of smart phones went up after the report. At least two people had come in asking about phones for Twittering, but they were both high school students. So apparently the adult population of Alakazam didn’t get the message that you can Twitter and Facebook your way into steady employment. Nice impact Ms. Cute. Better luck reporting next time. Hey, I think you’d better go do your nails or something honey.
There has also been a lot of press lately about over-qualified workers taking jobs at small companies for half the responsibility and pay they once had at big companies. One example is Dale Kozlowski, a former finance vice president at Smith Beans & Franks, who took a major cut in pay to work for the Ching Ling Import Company as a bookkeeper. She says she is happy with less responsibility although she is having trouble meeting mortgage payments on her downtown NY condo. She told us the management is very generous and understanding of her position though, and has offered her an extra $3.00 an hour if she will stay late and help sweep up. Dale is just one of thousands of baby boomers making a happy adjustment to life in these (as Dave the Anchorman would say) “troubling times.”
The term for Dale’s situation is called “under-employed.” We approve of giving good labels to unsettling or difficult situations, although we believe Dale’s situation comes more under that label of “screwed.” Yes people, we talked about sticking it to “the man” way back when, but apparently we didn’t stick it hard enough because “the man” is now sticking it to us. So who needs the corporate world anyway? It’s full of greed and avarice and dirty deals. We are better than that. We stopped a freaking war people! We can stop unemployment. We can bring them to their knees. Stop buying soap and Unilever will bleed man. We have the power, we have the numbers, we are the Woodstock nation man! We will overcome, we are the world, we are watching, we are……hey mother**kers get away from me…you can’t…….…
(Editor’s Note: We apologize for Mr. Wolfe’s sudden departure. He seems to be having a bad reaction to being told that he was over-qualified and too senior for writing a blog. Please know that we have given him an excellent severance package including a booklet of discount coupons for leading merchants in the area. This column will resume next week with a new author, Ms. Susie Cute, who comes to us from TV station WZBZ in Alakazam, Iowa. Ms. Cute will be doing a series of articles about Facebook and Twitter. Thank-you, we apologize for any inconvenience.)
Comments